oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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