College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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