hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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