please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
