i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
