my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize