It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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