shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
