So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
