I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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