If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
