And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
don't judge my taste in strippers
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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