i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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