you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
