Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
