dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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