In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
