two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
