oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
