when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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