I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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