$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
