I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
