Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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