You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
