Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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