wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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