they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize