So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
