goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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