So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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