shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
