Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You took a bar mat shot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
