he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
