and you said cock pushups were impossible
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
