I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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