I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
