You just made me feel so damn special
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
