What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize