dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
