Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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