there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
