break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
