she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You took a bar mat shot.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
