cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Terrible idea I love it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
