Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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