Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
