A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
