You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
