I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
