I wish my penis had an off switch
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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