he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
