You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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