too bad you live with your parents still
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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