i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
