I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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