the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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