Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize