love makes seman taste better
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
