I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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