why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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