I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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