I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
