this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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