its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
