The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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