Need sex. Gaining weight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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