Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
