please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
