i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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