the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
