Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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