New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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