If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
