You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
