My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
