yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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