I am midnight drunk by noon
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
