he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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