Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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