A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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