i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
is it fun? or sober?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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