Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
