I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
