Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
