I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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