I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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