Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
wow bdsm is so cute
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