what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
