He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize