I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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