is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
