Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
