really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
